A State of Discernment

Over the past week or so, I’ve heard from friends and loved ones who have—drumroll please—received their YAGM letters. For 2013-2014. Which is strange to contemplate….and altogether WONDERFUL!

I have a difficult time articulating fully how much this YAGM year has transformed me, shaped me, educated, inspired, challenged, amazed, humbled, and blessed me; this has been an incredible opportunity. It has been something I feel called to long before an e-mail arrived in my inbox last spring, long before the application was filled out and interviews had…and now, for this year, it is my life. Like my real life. WOW.

I’m often amazed at that fact—that I’m actually a YAGM—but hearing from those YAGM whose adventures are just beginning made me stop and contemplate this vast richness of this opportunity again. I feel so humbled and incredibly honored to serve in this way; blessed to learn and discover, inspired to grow and be challenged.

It feels strange to hear about YAGM-to-be; after all, I’m not quite ready to be replaced yet J But I am SO excited for all those who will follow this year’s YAGM, inspired by all who came before us, and thankful for those who have shaped and built this program. I am grateful for the way the Spirit has been at work in this world, preparing us all for our individual callings: some calls are lifelong vocations, others are year- or  six- month or even just week- long opportunities. Some of this preparation comes through waiting: for an answer, for a change, for opportunity. Some comes from disappointment and not being called where we think we ought to go. Sometimes, while everything already seems to be going according to plan, and then out of the blue, life gets even more beautiful than you could have anticipated—a new opportunity presents itself, a special someone walks into your life & sweeps you off your feet, you discover a new passion or talent that you didn’t know you had—the Spirit moves in unexpected, complicated ways.

As I have celebrated with & for those individuals who will be heading to the Discernment, Interview, Placement event in a few weeks, I’ve found myself secretly wishing that there was a Discernment, Interview, Placement event for life after YAGM, for what happens after a life-changing, world-upside-down-turning sort of year. To my knowledge, there’s no such thing…but there’s always the Holy Spirit, nurskur allah!!

Truth be told, I don’t have a concrete plan for what comes next. I have ideas and dreams, but no real plans have been made….I don’t even have a ticket home yet! What I do know, is that I’m here. Today, tomorrow, for the next few months. And a few months will FLY by…and I really don’t care to think about how very quickly time moves, thank you very much.  I just want to be here, to honor the sense of call that has led me to this place, this program, and these beautiful people.

So, as I read messages and e-mails from those who are nervously and eagerly preparing for DIP, I went back to my inbox last night and found my  YAGM letter, dated March 16^th, 2012. As I read those words (which I may have printed out and hung on my fridge in my beautiful little apartment all last spring!), I again found myself energized and excited about where I am, where I’ve been, and all those places and people I have yet to encounter. The last line of that letter caught my attention:

“We look forward to your response and to the opportunity of continuing this discernment journey with you!”

I’m in discernment again; in all honesty, I don’t think we ever stop discerning. I don’t know what the next chapter will bring, but I’m eager to respond to the call, to jump in, to discern my place in God’s world, and to be forever grateful for the many gifts that this YAGM journey has blessed me with. I am becoming more authentically me with every new experience, with every opportunity. And I am so thankful. 

In particular, I’m glad to be here, today, with the sun shining on the still-green Palestinian landscape. What a perfect place to be as I learn, serve, grow, play, discern, and be present in this moment and this place, and in all that I do, grow into myself.

“Our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic self-hood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be. As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks--we will also find our path of authentic service in the world.” 
-Parker Palmer